This entire month has been filled with endless amounts of anger.
I’m not talking rip someone’s throat out or punching a wall type anger.
I mean this uncomfortable feeling in my gut that literally feels like that energy is coming up to the surface.
Kind of like that feeling of cortisol running throughout your body.
I’ve been feeling hot and short of temper with endless amounts of brain fog. Not to mention, poor sleep.
🤦♀️ Poor sleep…
🤦♀️ Poor stress management…
🤦♀️ Poor Lifestyle
💥💥 Boom! 💥💥
It’s a recipe for burnout and more if it’s not addressed immediately.
Where does this type of anger come from?
It plants a seed in your youth from an event. It germinates over time into physical symptoms every time that heat rises to the surface and you push it back down.
A lot of this has to do with suppressing emotions.
As a child, as most of us are, I was taught that anger is bad. Anger is disrespectful. Anger is shameful. My anger is invalid and denied back at me by my own parents while they tell me how crazy I am for expressing it.
The truth is that ALL emotions need to be dealt with.
That’s what makes us whole humans.
As a result, it’s not expressed.
Your parents (or whoever) yell at you while you sit there and take it.
You make it seem like everything is okay. Then, you feel angry and the cycle continues.
IT’S NOT FUCKING OKAY ANYMORE!
For the first time, I recognized my anger as valid.
I was going for a walk, minding my own business as I received a call from my mom.
I felt this sense of obligation to answer because “it’s the right thing to do when my mom calls because I love her and want to make her happy.”
My biggest mistake is dropping my schedule to do something I don’t feel divinely inspired to do.
This is a huge cause of anger by giving your power away.
From this space of obligation, I picked up the phone and immediately heard yelling from the other end before I even said anything.
My blood starts boiling as I start feeling signs of anger arising.
I heard a voice say “Rachel. You don’t have to take this anymore!”
My reply was something along the lines of telling her, “There is no excuse and to stop blaming me for a situation I had no control over. It’s not my responsibility to do anything for anyone. I don’t have to take yelling at me anymore!” *click*
I hung up on my mom
In that moment, beneath the sadness, shaking and crying that occurred afterwards, I felt clarity.
I’ve been nothing but my parents’ emotional dumping grounds my whole life taking on their unhealed emotions on and dumping them into my own relationships for that.
Living my life and my emotions to fill a void they have not healed within themselves.
The angry child emerged. I was feeling unloved and powerless.
It was like my emotions don’t matter and my mom’s anger is justifiable in her head as my fault.
Nothing I do or say can make her happy no matter how hard I try (in her reality I’m not). In her eyes, I’m a bad daughter and she failed as a mom.
It feels like this overwhelming sense of pressure like it’s my responsibility as a child that my purpose in life is to make them happy, even at my own expense.
All I ever wanted was to see my mom smile and say, “Rachel, I’m so proud of you! I’m so grateful I have you as my daughter!”
The clarity comes in the reality that I’ve been seeking love/approval from my parents who are emotionally unavailable for love.
I had no idea how to love myself, so I looked to them as a source.
I would feel a sense of guilt because I couldn’t make them happy.
I didn’t feel okay with being happy unless my parents are happy. #peoplepleasing
Therefore, this made my own love conditional.
I mean how can abused children love themselves if they don’t learn how to at first?
They simply pass the cycle down and become the abuser without even realizing it.
What I learned in that moment that I have now shifted into is simply learning to love myself and find peace within the chaos I have 0 control over.
It is not my responsibility (and never was) to make anyone else happy.
My only responsibility is to find my own happiness from within no matter what stands in my way.
It’s unfortunate that many people choose not to love themselves and project it onto others.
This includes the ones you love most.
Instead of creating the love they want, they are creating more resistance and illness.
Your unconditional love to yourself is the biggest gift you can give to yourself and the world.
Nobody can ever take them away from you.
It is always there to come back to if you have lost your way.
Family can be one of the biggest sabotaging mechanisms even if they are doing it “out of love” or “to keep you safe”.
In reality, they are stifling you from being able to express all your emotions, full love and accept yourself, and the freedom to take responsibility for yourself by seeking approval from others.
You learn to source others for happiness, which is not a form of unconditional love.
More like codependency.
You feel powerless, trapped, hurt, resentful, etc.
Tons of unproductive emotions are keeping you from reaching your true life potential.
The truth is that every being is a source of unconditional love and everyone has the power to do so within themselves.
For loving yourself, there will be people who simply can’t handle your light and project their shit at you.
This does not make you any less of a person.
It actually makes you better because when you unconditionally love yourself, their shit will bounce off like rubber.
Each time that happens. It’s another opportunity to shift bck into love and gratitude.
Each time you see the gratitude within the anger/chaos, you are owning your power and taking it back.
This is not easy. It has not been an overnight process.
Loving yourself is a moment to moment process of unprogramming all of your old sabotaging patterns you took with you as a child. You are mother fucking brave for going on this journey. You are SO WORTHY of receiving the real love you desire.
Keep spreading your light because the world needs it in such a time of hatred, darkness, and ill health.
It first starts with loving yourself, and it starts right now.
I am so grateful for being in this situation because I now have a clear vision for my coaching and how I want to transform the lives of others.
I desire to help people find their root cause of suppressed emotions, accepting and moving through them in a healthy way, and by doing so, they take their power back!
It’s time you get to feel like the free spirit you are: fully expressed, full of infinite love and gratitude.
If you are looking for a community to feel safe and supported, I'm opening up my all new Facebook community: Unleash Your Inner Badass!
You get to live the life you want for yourself, not what others tell you. You will learn to have those tough conversations in a way that is healthy that you have been putting off for decades.
You will learn lots of tools that have helped me maintain peace in a rather toxic and unhealthy living situation.
You will become more aware of your lower vibe emotions that have been running unprocessed and unaddressed in order to begin feeling more high-vibe emotions on a regular basis. Most importantly, you will begin having so much more energy for your desires because you aren’t clouded or weighed down by other people’s BS.
Best of all, you will accept all of yours and everyone else’s emotions for what they are because they all have a purpose as lessons in serving your highest version of yourself.
Your #1 asset is your health and this is the best thing you can do for yourself. Better than any diet/exercise plan will do for you.