Mother's Day

I see many posts on Mother’s Day about all the beautiful moments people on social media are presenting.

What people don’t typically talk about are the people who have rocky relationships with their mothers, none at all, or they have passed on.

I have felt all sorts of feelings today such as jealousy, envy, frustration, guilt, and anger.

I honestly have been dreading today and am at peace that it’s over.

Jealous that I see so many people who love their mothers.

Envious of the people that have true, authentic, loving relationships with their mothers.

Frustrated because I feel like I am never good enough for my mother’s love.

Angry because my mother helicopter parented and didn’t allow me the freedom to present to her my love.

My gift to my mother was to make her a meal that has been passed down for multiple generations and she tried to control and direct the whole meal. She proceeded to clean up after and project feelings of frustration for having to do things herself.

Guilty because I didn’t give my mother enough love.

The truth is, my mother has been unavailable for a real, open, authentic relationship like I desire.

She is traumatized from her childhood and it continues to have a ripple effect as she turns 60 this year.

She projected her shit onto my sister and I throughout my life and I have felt massive amounts of resentment from not feeling good enough.

I learned that I have to fight, manipulate, and control for love and it can’t be given naturally.

I have to go out of my way to do things out of obligation that will get me love.

I took it on for myself.

Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I choose to see this as a beautiful lesson to love and accept myself as I am right now.

I am the source of my own happiness and fulfillment.

I am not a victim because my mother chooses not to be available for love.

I am more than good enough and no longer need to use my mother as validation for receiving love.

I accept that I can’t please everyone and I am creating a new definition of love.

I am no longer available for taking on her projections because I am creating a new life full of myself where I surround myself with people available for true, authentic relationships.

When she tries to bring me down, I walk away because I don’t need to bring that shit into my life.

My mother will be who she is and I accept that she doesn’t want to change (as she even said for herself).

All I can do is continue to speak my authentic truth, regardless of whether or not my mother decides to listen.

Seeing my situation differently allows me to heal my wounds and no longer feel triggered from her reactions to my life decisions.

My mission in life is to help others become fully self-expressed and live the life they desire.

You do not need to play small anymore because your upbringing made you feel like shit about yourself.

You are good enough and worthy of love right now because you exist.

The more you love yourself and accept everyone else for who they are, the more your life will sort itself out to bring more love into your reality.

If things seem bleak and dark, remember that these are temporary and you will move through it.

You’ve got this girlfriend!

Going out Selfie.jpg